my boyfriend's mom treats him like her husband my boyfriend's mom treats him like her husband

My psychologist told me that it's normal for people to have certain things unresolved with our parents, like a mother who doesn't know her boundaries and doesn't treat her son as a SON. Is this normal? Honestly. He holds a grudge at any and all costs, so involving yourself with him would mean catering to his needs. He's a hustler and a great businessman but has the bite of a rattlesnake. Meanwhile, she merely had to state what she needed and her husband would have Obviously, it will be easier to have private time with your Reddit - Dive into anything I don't mean to offend, but the daddy thing is the only part for me that doesnt quite fit and I hadn't seen anyone else ask. This means that any major decision he makes will be predicated on what she wants and not what you two want as a couple. Do you love him and does he love you? Plus I can imagine this is really frustrating for your relationship as well. I met my ex husband 17 years ago and he was this way with his mom. He enjoys romantic partnerships and loves the thrill of an argument, so if you are a bit passive or not confident, he will not be the one for you. Clifton Kopp The "weirdest" thing here is the brothers call him daddy, but we don't know their situation, do we? No. They are overly involved in one anothers personal lives, and activities. When your boyfriend and his mother are too dependent on one another, it can become unhealthy. My fianc and his mom actually made plans for the three of us plus our kids to buy a home together. Until then, I don't think it is unreasonable to ask the adult child to help the household. But lets not forget its really about your relationship with him. 1) accept he'll never change and that's the life he decided to lead 2) wait for him to change. But I supported his decisions and talked him through a lot of it, and he came to his own solution. You cannot except him to be free anytime soon and if you get mad and push him it will only make it harder for him. Hes still quite young so theres time for him to realise. OP sounds likesomeone I would not want to be marooned with on a desert island. I'd say that he might like it. The daddy thing is weird though. ask how he feels about it. Ruds teachings showed me a whole new perspective. In my 2 years engaged it hasnt got Any better. He's a 22-year-old man. First sign of my depression was being spacey and distant when holding a conversation, just as you discribed he is when he talks to you. But it's not good for either of them. Life is different during this pandemic. I had an ex very similar to how OP describes, for the first year I noticed how close he and his mother were but made excuses for it internally and thought we all managed quite well - I visited her and his sister a bunch of times alone while my ex was deployed and all seemed fine. The disentanglement there would require tact and likely some degree of willingness and/or acceptance from all parties. I think his mom is relying on him a lot. Good luck. by Carolyn Steber. by This past year I've watched as a friend's mom turned on her, threw her out, and decided that she was the cause of all the mom's trouble. You are both still so young. And a worse disposition. For some bizarre reason, he expects you to act just like she does. It sounds like these two are not compatible. By Laura Lifshitz Updated on Feb 16, 2023. I second this. Treat Your Partner Like a Child I'd be embarrassed if that were me. This reads like the title of a weird porn video. From her post it sounds like theyve only communicated with phone calls. No one has a bad word to say about him. And I dont see it ever progressing to us moving in together. 11 Signs Your Partner Was Raised By A Toxic Mom - Bustle Husband Lets His Family Disrespect Me If you like operating under the radar, this dude is the one for you. Oh honey. Why? The parent can be emasculating at times and cause the child partner to harbor resentment. Especially in a situation like he is. Frankly I can't tell if he's way to attached to his mother and you're 100% justified, or if you're a selfish girl who is jealous of his reasonable time and attention to his family, The answer is likely somewhere in between. My parents rely on my for a lot of shit and often times I do feel like a mom to them- my parents dont speak english well so I take care of a lot of school stuff etc, but my siblings would never call me mom (unless its a joke). What about the bit where the kids call him daddy? His father left before he hit double digits, and she never married or as much as had another man around since. In my opinion I think both sides are wrong. To me, that is an exhibition of how he's going to step up in the future if he gets married/has kids. WebSpend quality time with your spouse and your mother separately. He shouldn't fix whatever is happening at home to give YOU full attention, you should want him to fix it for his sake and his happiness and mental health, and not just so you could get talk to him whenever you want it. She deserves a boyfriend who is kind, patient, loving, gentle, and strong when he needs to be. It's a pity, but yikes to that whole home situation. Thats fine, but I dont think I can continue with him as he already has so much responsibility and is almost never free to give me his full attention. Is Your Boyfriends Mother Ruining Your Relationship? - She Blossoms Commitment to him probably produces anxiety, so if he's decided to deal with the anxiety and stay with you, you're a keeper to him. a 22 year old, to start pulling his weight and help out around the house. They want to make sure they are happy and dont ever feel sad or upset. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. Well he finally did, and cut ties (very long time coming) with her completely. The reason this is to encourage him to make changes is that, as Ive already said, all you can do is support him. WebMy boyfriends bitch mother who is way too involved in his life and way too clingy like a 16-year-old jealous ex-girlfriend. If you ever ended up marrying him, youd be marrying his mother too. Enmeshment happens when two people are so connected emotionally they cannot function independently. It sadly won't change. But I was surprised to see the weekly shopping as example of being like husband. She probably overheard them say something like "okay Dad" like we say to our friends when they start acting like a parent. I know it seems stupid because we were so young but I genuinely wanted a future with him and he wanted the same. But on the other hand, if you feel like my boyfriends mom treats him like her husband its unlikely something you can just overlook. My how often does he think he would be running errands or spending time with his family once he moves out? RELATED:How To Handle In-Laws Who Don't Like You (For The Sake Of Your Relationship). Its all so inappropriate to me but he says its just his life. Dont taunt him for being a mamas boy. Youve been thinking to yourself my boyfriend is codependent with his mother. So if this is a deal breaker for you, you gotta end it. I've mentioned other things to my boyfriend before like "She shouldn't be asking you to help with the delivery. She will most likely make up lies or rumors to turn him against you and refocus on her. Of course she relies on your boyfriend to help out around the house and help control the kids. You have to ask yourself how much this problem has affected you. Am I overreacting? Has it led to fights? If your only looking to date and fool around you might be better suited finding someone who isn't raising 3 kids. If A Guy Is Treating You Like His Mom, It's Because You're Letting I think if you can't be with someone who is going to be busy and sometimes can't give you their full attention then I suggest that you talk to him about how you feel and that you can't be in that kind of relationship. This would not be any easy thing. A mom who lives locally might lack the physical If he plans to move out once able, then hopefully you can stick it through. Here you'll find all collections you've created before. When Relationship Partners Act Like Parents Your boyfriend is an older sibling so mom is dependent on him to help. It can be such a blow to your confidence and make you question your relationship and love for one another. So this might be solvable, or it might not. WebWhen her son marries, however, his first commitment is to his new spouse, and this may be a hard reality for a mother to accept. Before you get honest with him, you need to be honest with yourself. This, OP, he needs to get out of the FOG and this sub might help him. WebHis mother treats him like a baby and he is 30. As another comment said, deep in FOG. Phil | 10K views, 106 likes, 4 loves, 8 comments, 4 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from DrPhil Show 2023: Dr.Phil Show 2023 - Exes at War And her behavior will likely become volatile towards you over time. Not trying to imply hope where there isn't any, but my bf of a year had a very controlling and abusive mother that he just couldn't seem to stand up to. Then you'll know if he does have any desire to change things. We need to face the facts about why we end up with codependent people. His mother sees this as a competition. To use social login you have to agree with the storage and handling of your data by this website. #8: They say you need to change. Alright this is a tough situation. Mother Five years ago I wrote letter to my high school self, and ne" JJ Heller on Instagram: "Graduation season is almost upon us! My Boyfriend We went to the same college after HS. I noticed the red flags very early on like you are and ignored them. He is also prone to complaining about his mother and garnering sympathy for his broken childhood. You know what's he's dealing with and you're just pouring more gas into the fire. It was very unusual for me to see. Look up "enmeshment" and "emotional incest." He is overly concerned about her health and wellbeing. Perhaps he always puts her in front of you, or their relationship intrudes on yours. Sounds like he's obv invested more in his fam (but, moms fault, his too). if he doesn't think it's a problem, if he hasn't adjusted his call/time scheduling boundaries after you've asked him repeatedly, then he's not willing to be the partner you need right now. He needs a strong woman because he's a bit dependent on others. Its hard to know the answer here. If you do decide to stay help him realize that what his mother's asking of him is not normal, it's not his job and he doesn't own her a thing. If you think youre dealing with a codependent partner, this article will talk you through how best to deal with it. You've been making demands on him, just like his mother does. You are so young and don't need to deal with this. She was so mad at him for leaving, she dumped the near boiling hot grease in the trash can. At the heart of it, you're upset that he can't devote much time to you, or give you full attention when you're trying to talk. WebIf your husband defends his mother over you ensure he doesnt do it in front of her. He should look at the lists of narcissistic traits and tactics on the internet. What's the backstory? You say you don't think you can continue with him, so tell him. She doesnt think he should have to do weekly shopping trips. I'm not saying he is depressed but he is obviously having a hard time. Bossip We are older, Im late 20s and he is early 30s and our parents are older so I just wrote it off as him taking care of his older mom. He wants to please you because he hates confrontation, but you can see him saying "yes" to you but then doing what he wanted to do in the first place. WebWithdraw some of your wifely Character. After bringing up the issue to her boyfriend, he started cleaning up after himself. Because he is the main caretaker of his siblings, then talking at night might be better where there are less things going on. Either or, you want to keep that feeling of being neglected? Maybe there's a deeper reason to why things are how they are but you don't know it cause the only thing that matters to you is that you're not getting the attention. Every ounce of romance was sucked dry from our relationship the second he started treating me like his mom. Yes, this man believes that women are essential and valued. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. WebAITA for telling my mother that she treats my boyfriend like her husband? It sounds like a family working together to get through a pandemic and a terrible time. Thats why its so important to recognize what you can and cannot control. Ngayong araw ng mga puso, balikan po natin ang ilan sa mga He has to want to make changes to the relationship with his mom, for both himself as well as the sake of your relationship. Emotional incest is a real thing, as well as mum's treating their sons like "sonsbands". We went to his house and hung out for a few hours. The 20-year-old, who's dedicated numerous Reddit posts to her boyfriend's mum, described her as a traditional stay at home mom, with the mindset that women take care of their men and do all the housework.'' Once youve started a free-flowing dialogue, it will hopefully be easier to voice your concerns about the nature of their relationship and whether it has codependent elements to it. It will do no good to try and change him nor hope he'll change on his own. Walk away. Old enough to make simple meals for themselves, but they're kids. Is this part of the relationship you can accept? He can be a little passive-aggressive, but he is not likely to leave you if he commits to you. Its okay to break up with anyone at any time for any reason. You can't maintain a relationship unless you see each other. I think at that age people should be independent anyway, if you live rent free at your parents place I dont see as a big wrongdoing from them to except services and help around the house. Maybe he wont. You can suggest that he tries to create some clearer boundaries between them. He is a loving and affectionate guy who is everyone's best friend. I would try to get you two in a financial situation where you can live together so mom is firced to actually raise her children so maybe he can enjoy his last few years with you as a young childless adult.