short funny affirmations short funny affirmations

Microchips. Because they make up everything. Helen Giangregorio Positive mindset affirmations. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. How do astronomers organize a party? Walter Bagehot I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? The only power you have is the word no. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. Ive collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner. 39. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. Albert King. Read the first word again. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. 277. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. Have a look! 128. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. 210. I am intelligent. Not everyone has to like me. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? 124. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. I enjoy every minute of it. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. When they go away, its a brighter day. 254. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. 121. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 155. Groucho Marx. And a funny bone. You have to go after it with a club. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 88. You can only be young once. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. 256. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 143. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! Why did the school kids eat their homework? If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. I want to afford them., 2. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Today I was a hero. If only common sense were more common. 23. 37. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. I overcome fears by following my dreams. 3. 139. 2. Enjoy! I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 79. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. Thank God Im an atheist. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! 83. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. Ive been doing nothing for years. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. 273. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. Charles M. Schulz Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. Steve Martin, 254. 165. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. Everyone brings happiness to this office. 6. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. P.D. 108. 18. Why did the can crusher quit his job? 115. Steve Martin - Unkmown. Bill Murray, 257. Why become moody when you can shake your booty. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. 1. How do trees access the internet? Emphasis on the cool. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. 199. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. Funny Friday Quotes. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. Not me, but somebody does. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. 77. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. My mom scolds me for no reason. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. -Katrina Bowden. 18. So, why not team them up? 5. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. Honolulu, its got everything. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. 270. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. 142. 239. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes., 2. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. 1. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Required fields are marked *. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. - Billie Burke. I am grateful for all that I have. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. It just plain forms. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. 155. 250. 125. I am fine. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 196. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Short Funny Affirmations. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". 264. What is Mozart doing right now? Henny Youngman, 246. 209. My body deserves love. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. - Roy T. Bennett. 163. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. 116. 193. 70. I can have peace, even when people irritate me. Send me the link. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? 215. 211. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. Your email address will not be published. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. How do trees access the internet? To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Today I will embrace the poop. 259. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. 106. 16. 55. Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. But even if this does happen, who cares? Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. When nothing is going right, go left. I am tough and resilient. Learn sign language, its very handy. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. 274. 14. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). I am intelligent. 1. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. grateful. 168. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. 237. 159. 270. Ken Dodd I am positive. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. 48. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. Don't forget to be awesome. Ted Turner. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. 231. health is important. 7. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. 26. 226. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. 21. Erma Bombeck. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. 205. 216. Learn sign language, its very handy. They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Charles M. Schulz. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. 9. Envelope. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. You never run out of things that can go wrong. A backbone. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. 179. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. 218. 26. The library, because it has so many stories. 51. 96. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. What is Mozart doing right now? I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. 23. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. Bill Murray I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. 73. - Catherine Pulsifer. 137. I thought you said extra fries. Its scary when it disappears. Ken Dodd, 255. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being.