my husband is so nice to everyone but me

If you see me reorganizing my daughter-in-law's kitchen, or any other room in her house, for the love of all things holy, punch me. Every person that works with her mentions how friendly/polite/helpful she is, and how luck I am to be married to a nurse that can take car. Your email address will not be published. Or it could even be you who hurt him. And this is the reason that when you inform people about the wicked behaviors of these abusers nobody will believe you, and the effect of this is that it will keep you much longer in the isolation zone, which is the ultimate goal of the abuser. She knew that I would say harsh things to her if she went against my desires. You will begin to feel hes the best, not knowing hes another beast in human clothing. So I'll particularly pick on things that reflect on her driving or her confidence etc. I am the one who needs help, not him. When you wrong these set of abusers, they wont show it in the face; instead, they stomach it and wait for the time they feel its convenient for them to revenge. Not sure why you're getting downvoted. Survive, thrive and evolve with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support from Certified Life Coach, author and survivor Angela Atkinson. Fear of being hurt. They insist on things being done in their own way and make all of the most important decisions. If not, there are two main two blocks to empathy. Subscribe and get a special email series from Angie packed with free gifts to help you heal and evolve! My advice is that you get acquainted with topics that interest him. Someone who is narcissistic thinks he is better than everyone else, demeans and intimidates others, has a sense of entitlement, exploits people without shame or guilt, has delusions of grandeur and has a grandiose sense of self-importance. Please get in touch with us about any refunds that we need to give out. However, his sarcasm is cutting me to the bone. Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. He is yet to move past something you did, Many times, this is usually the reason why men act so vexatious to their wives, men, . Perhaps youre asking yourself questions like: Why is my husband mean to me and nice to everyone else? Maybe you feel that you are loved under certain conditions only, or you keep up a facade for your partner. You are more powerful than you know! He Never Asks Your Opinion. The following traits are good signs that your husband may be a narcissist: 1. He knows that you can achieve your dreams, goals, and ambitions if you want to. Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. Some people who are looking to get out of a marriage will be very nice to everyone except their spouse so that when they want to leave everyone in the neighborhood will be saying that it must be the other person's fault for ruining a marriage to such a nice person. Whatever the reason could be, try to get to the bottom of it and apologize to him accordingly. Husband turned down a shift at work (when both of us are pretty much completely out of work) so someone he thought needed it more could take it. 02/05/2016 16:50. This will lead to the discard phase, in which they abandon you either emotionally or actually, or both. I just feel that with proper treatment and therapy, your partners anger issues could become a thing of the past. The world seems to have turned upside down. I didnt give it to him, but I agreed to take his. Its surprising how many girlfriends find out their boyfriends are cheating on them using this tool. In fact, I threw his number in the trash. Sensitive. He probably goes around telling everyone about all of his "great" accomplishments. He wants to improve his behavior but due to a lack of commitment on, his part, it doesnt materialize. 3. It is plain and simple, really. 9. Why does he yell or embarrass me in front of our family or friends? 12. So they literally arent able to love you and be angry in the same moment. If youre a long-suffering spouse who has put up with seeing your husband dishing out compliments since youve known him, you might have to accept that its just who he is. Familiarity Breeds Contempt for Narcissists. Required fields are marked *. The following are signs that youre under the abuse of a Mr. "My husband is a great leader even if he isn't leading the way I want him to.". I tell him about the sexism that I've experienced at work. Here are eight warning signs that there's a not-so-nice guy lurking beneath the surface: 1. Men who suffer from low testosterone can become irritable, angry, and depressed; they tend to transfer their aggression to their wives and kids at the slightest opportunity. No need to panic, your husband is just simply making some poor choices. In fact, it got so bad that when it would come to the holidays or my birthday, Id always tell him I didnt want a physical gift (not that hed get me one anyway! He would always address the issue as though you are sort of a machine that could shut down the terrible emotion running through your mind. Psychopathy Linked to Gambling Addiction And It Only Gets Worse. But real talk: we are all the Karen. Its not personal so you cant blame them. (13 Ways Sex Affects Men Emotionally), Excuses to Get Out of The House to Cheat (13 Good Excuses), My Husband's Family Is Ruining Our Marriage (9 Wise Tips), Cushioning in Relationships (11 Signs You're Doing It Without Even Knowing ), My Boyfriend Accuses Me Of Everything (11 Possible Reasons), Breaking Up During Pregnancy (10 Vital Tips), Victim Mentality In Relationships (25 Signs Hes Playing The Victim), I Betrayed My Best Friend (10 Important Things). There could be a more innocuous reason for why your husband is always complimenting everyone else and thats because he wants to be liked by everyone. It might not necessarily mean hes going to act on it or that hes cheating, but it is something you need to talk to him about. It could be that you spoke rudely to him in the. No solutions or plans needs to be made right now. Some mood episodes can cause behavior that is out of character and difficult to tolerate. We respect your privacy. My husband is not the most romantic person but he is very loving to myself and our kids. 2. This could probably be the reason why your husband is always so vexatious towards you for one reason or the other. "You're being ridiculous.". Id advise that you explore why he resorts, A man, by nature, loves power and likes to be in control, this trait has led some to become, control addicts. I didnt even know who I was. But youve proven yourself to be a reliable source of narcissistic supply. Your husband might be in the category of abusers called the victim. And it is not always what he says, though that can be really bad, but it is how he says it. He Says Mean Things in a Nice Way. agenda, irrespective of whether it suits you or not. Start slow though. Lucky you that means you are among the privileged few who get to see the true face of the narcissist. It is possible that your partner might be narcissistic and this allows him to demean you without feeling any sense of guilt or remorse. Or at least to ignore my own needs. You're Always the Problem (i.e. He might think that you know how he feels about you and that you dont need to hear it, or even that seeing him complimenting other people makes you feel good. Though he had been charming and sweet, I intended to move and leave him behind. "You are the source of my joy, the center of my world and the whole of my heart.". Welcome to r/relationship_advice.Please make sure you read our rules here. Underneath all the contemptible behavior is a man who. He actually told me that my husband could not possibly not know my birthday or the kids birthdays or our anniversary, and he's just teasing me, joking. I just feel that with proper treatment and therapy, your partners anger issues could become a thing of the past. 24+ Clean Comebacks for Bullies Thatll Make You Smile, Is My Boss a Narcissist Quiz (10 Questions to Help You Find Out! Maybe its not just a feeling, if you can clearly see hes more complimentary of everyone else then its going to make you feel unvalued. This is quite sad, but true; the way he treats you and yells at you may stem from his background and, If properly motivated, your spouse could change his stripes and turn a new, leaf. Leave any, comments and questions you may have in the dialog box below. There is something sweet and generous about helping without being asked. (5 Possible Reasons), 2. Your partner talks so much about treating you better or doing better by you, but seldom follow through. when he appears to be comforting you he will often use come up with statements like This shouldnt be the end of life; its one of those things. Perhaps if you tell your GP that you're in an abusive relationship and struggling with anxiety, they might be able to re-refer you or suggest other counselling services. But inevitably, something happens and they recognize that you are in fact a flawed human like everyone else. As a wife, you should learn how to cope with your partner and manage his excesses. It's where I go when I need some help with something. His friends and family take advantage of that. But when my mother accidentally met him, thanks to the same friend I had tried to hook him up with (long story), she instantly claimed to like him. but he confuses me being so nice to everyone else! He may be going through difficult times, Not all men are capable of handling their problems and difficult moments. It feels as though the whole world is reinforcing the idea that well-established, charismatic men cannot possibly be held . Indifference. Its time he started prioritizing you and making sure youre happy, thats what will encourage you to do the same back not by making you feel jealous. This is really giving your husband the benefit of the doubt and I can appreciate its going to be a stretch for most women. What your husband is doing is unacceptable and should be a deal breaker for you. The people around you always seem to have in-jokes that you are not privy to, so you don't know what they're talking about. Its something that took me a lot of time to get better and better at as well. He has been abused by women in the past, Your partner may have suffered many physical and psychological waves of abuse while growing, up and this may have affected how he sees the female folk. In hindsight, I realize that I did this because I just wanted to please my mother, who was never happy with me anyway. You don't have to do a course though; there are lots of resources on mindfulness. Is there any chance you could go back to the NHS counsellor you saw before? It can often take the form of giving you the silent treatment . Its a sign that either he has some issues or there are issues in your relationship. You may have become old news or too available to them. I'm not exactly going around acting like a therapist to my friends and colleagues, but I am a good listener. My husband has both male and female friends who talk to him about relationships. My Husband Never Compliments Me: 7 Actions You Can Take to Get the Praise You Need. I also enjoin you to share this. Your email address will not be published. Why don't you take this quick free quiz to see if he actually likes you! This kind of man is an abuser whose aggression is not limited to his wife. #3. oliviajuliette said: Hello everyone, My husband was diagnosed with alzheimers in 2014. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. Sensitive. This can get in the way of true emotional intimacy and feel . It could be a ploy to get you to notice him, Some men employ this tactic to get their wives to pay extra attention to them. What is NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming)? How long have you two been together? Yield my unsolicited advice, take a cue, and walk away from the marriage. When we tried ordering margaritas, he just said "no margaritas". All you have to do is enter his details and click the search button. This explains why your spouse yells at you at the slightest provocation, many women like you find themselves in this deplorable state owing to the bad orientations of their spouses. Create and maintain boundaries. Just like most of us can read and comment on other peoples marital problems here but struggle to communicate effectively in our own. Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. His charm was lost for me very quickly, but one thing kept bugging me: he was so kind to people who weren't me - so nice and charming and awesome. I hate to break it to you but it is possible you have found yourself stuck with a man who, cares more about his needs in life than yours. Your spouse might not be comfortable with your recent attitude or the kind of friends you roll with. This, in healthier relationships, will Since youre already in the position of being a narcissistic supply, the narcissist feels comfortable with you. 101 Hot Date Ideas for Married Couples to Try. Yes, it's nice for a man to groom himself, but when he starts shaving and trimming down more than he's . You hear that right. He treats you poorly and says unkind things to you when you challenge him about it. He stops asking about your life. If your husband is a water torturer he might be exhibiting these behaviors: Abusers in this category frustrates their partner but pretend like they have not been mean in any way towards their partner on the ground that their actions dont possess an iota of aggression in them. 1. I do a lot of self-reflection and I have to admit that I sometimes do this to my wife. Maybe you could try mindfulness meditation before resorting to anti-depressants? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. 19. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Even though my husband is mean and accusing should I still be nice to him, Your email address will not be published. They can psychologically assault their partner so they don't even understand why they are so upset. I don't know if they just don't have a Sunday liquor license . Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future. At the end of the day, the big problem with his indifference is the burden it puts on you to be the functioning adult in the relationship. We wont send you spam. He embarrasses me so badly. Receive weekly tips & tricks to improve your love life. If you think this is why hes complimenting other people and not you, you need to have a serious talk with your husband and get him to open up. Your partner may be an avid subscriber of such teachings and beliefs, and thats why he acts the way he does. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online. I know this sounds harsh, but it is one of the likely reasons men treat their women poorly. My Husband Is Mean To Me And Nice To Everyone Else: My Husband Is So Nice To Everyone But Me. I am the one who takes her to the dr or anywhere else she needs to go since everyone else is working. I know this sounds harsh, but it is one of the likely reasons men treat their women poorly. If you're struggling to recover from narcissistic abuse, you might be interested in learning about Neuro-Linguistic Programming or NLP. It Gives Them Power Over Other People. 5. I did the same thing it felt easier to NOT do what I needed to do, because it made the narcissist less angry with me if I could just do for him instead. So when they are behind closed doors with a pre-conditioned supply, their true selves can come out and play. Most vexatious men lack a certain amount of empathy for their wives. If I ask him to spend time with me, he always has other things to do. Anyway, she ended up suggesting that he move to the new city with me, and while wed only been dating a few months, I invited him to do exactly that. Subscribe and get a special email series from Angie - packed with free gifts to help you heal and evolve! You're The Reason He Doesn't Change) If you find that whenever you tell your husband how unhappy you are in your marriage, and what you need him to change to make it better, he always shifts the conversation around to what's wrong with you, there's a problem. Their personality changes so drastically that often times they can convince the abused to stay, or convince others into thinking that they would never do anything violent to their partner. Updated: Dec. 11, 2020. But they also get to see our shadow side. But by the end of our lunch (where he was our server), hed asked me for my number. We encourage them to engage in life balance to reduce their own levels of stress, which in turn impacts all of their relationships. Or, youll see if hes not! And to remember that if you cant take care of yourself, no one else is likely to do it for you and I mean emotionally, physically and otherwise. This tool is being used by suspicious husbands and wives all over the world, because its so thorough, intelligent - and its 100% discreet too. He may be expressing this hurt by being mean to you instead of communicating his feeling. Here's how it feels when people tell you that your verbally abusive ex-boyfriend is a "nice guy." At first, it makes you doubt yourself, as if you could have made the whole thing up or that you must be overreacting. Thanks for the advice. They vent their frustrations on their spouses by acting mean towards them. He will continue to be mean towards you if he doesnt muster enough, Most vexatious men lack a certain amount of empathy for their wives. Rather than, acknowledge the problem and tackle it head-on, some men transfer aggression to their, wives and kids. Unsubscribe at any time. I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. Feeling distanced from your partner. No matter how badly they treat me, they are never in the wrong in his eyes, it's somehow my fault. Its almost funny to me now, since they seemed so different but were in fact two sides of the same coin. And forgive me for being hyperbolic but I really hope you don't have kids yet and if you do not put those plans on hold for now until this is resolved to your complete satisfaction. Below, divorce attorneys and marriage therapists share the most damaging things you can say in a marriage and what you should say to your spouse instead. 37 reviews of El Taco Loco "Tried El Taco Loco on Sunday. I even got annoyed eyerolls whenever I started talking and he was on his phone texting someone. That's when the empathy became zero altogether. Two possible definitions of the word respect are "a feeling of admiring someone or something that is good, valuable, important, etc.," and "a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way.". Try to be a supportive wife and stand by him through this trying time, while figuring out other medical and psychological means of help. Both of you were fond of each other, until a few years later all of a sudden, he changed to the opposite of who he used to be. The tool will return a plethora of information including his recent online behavior, such as any dating sites he might have registered to and social media he has used. Or, it might just be a superficial thing and it makes him feel good to compliment people and see how much they appreciate it. Every time he would essentially say I'm overreacting, interpreting their actions incorrectly, or there would be some reason why I'm the one who is in the wrong. I've done a MBSR/MBCT course and found it extremely helpful. 4. Get him to seek professional help but if he is unwilling to change, Id advise you, His friends could be the instigating factor behind his meanness towards you. He cannot hold a conversion with his wife without creating an atmosphere of avoidable hot arguments from it. He doesnt only stop at that; because of this, he regards you as an inept and disrespectful partner. Sure, our partner gets to see our best side. The idea is to see the line. It is also, possible that he could be taking a cue from what he witnessed at a friends place. He treats his wife worse than anyone else. He wasnt my type, but he was charming and seemed like a nice guy. marked lack of empathy that narcissists display, Narcissists have a typical relationship cycle, books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel, trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching, SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups, coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com. As the spouse of a narcissist, I need to be strong and educate . Find a solution that works best for you and your kids (if you have any). When their act of revenge starts playing out, thats the stage you usually find it difficult to connect the dots as to their reasons behind their mean behaviors towards you. Often you are not. Refusing to argue helps to put the issue to rest quickly so that you can both move on to other things. So, read on to find out other common reasons he might be mean to you and nice with everyone else. If he can empathize with others then as his wife you should definitely get some empathy from him. Some men unknowingly are narcissistic in nature, they have this superior mentality that makes them feel they are better than everyone else. 10 Cleaning Rules for Roommates To Create A Spotless Home! I kept talking to him, pointing him at my friend and trying to get the two of them talking. So you just stop doing stuff for yourself. article with as many persons as you can so that they benefit from it too. Worse, it can happen over and over for literally decades in the same relationship. Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. Some of this matters a lot in marriages and you need to, put in extra effort in maintaining it. and those on the outside see him as the victim, when in fact, he was sabotaging the relationship to be with someone else. Take this free quiz to see if he actually likes you! 1. What is it about their cluster B personalities, or their personality disorders, that allow them to treat people so horribly without even a second thought? What You Can Do When Your Husband Doesn't Compliment You. He wants the wife to join him in his campaign to reduce his ex-partner to nothing, through spreading of rumors of her and several harassment attacks. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life. #8: They say you need to change. All he is concerned about is advancing his own. My husband used to be very jealous and controlling, but we have navigated through that, and he has gotten over these issues. He Wants to Be Liked by Everyone. If yes your relationship still has hope. 2 reviews of Affordable Tree Service "I had a nice experience as I always do working with Yelp. He listens to his mother's problems and always takes her side. Most partners aren't abusive all the time, so it makes sense to think they could go back to being that "kind and loving" person and stay there. I had the Three Compadres (taquitos), and my husband ordered the Chimichangas plus 1 ground beef taco to try.