She does not like to give blow jobs or hand jobs, so I have to do it myself, jerking off and imagining sex with anyone. Once youre accustomed to porn, youve trained your brain to need it. (she has seen a councelor) and she this has gone on for years and may take years to heal and maybe I will never heal. I rest my case. Soon thereafter, she lost interest altogether and would reject me, citing we would schedule a weekend session which never occurred. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. There are many causes, physical and emotional, why your wife wont have sex with you anymore. Signs My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me: 24 Warnings & Ways To Win Love And yeah I can pleasure myself, but that will never be like the real thing. I am 60, and my husband is 65. When your wife avoids physical contact, it could be because of resentment, 13. After reading most of the above letters I have come to the conclusion that married couples, for the most part, have all entered into relationships, never having the correct training. Also, make sure you share the housework equally, including the mental load. I sure want too. I was married for 24 years. Or if your wife does have a known medical issue, talk to each other about how your sex life might be being affected and ways you can work together to keep your sex life healthy. So our sex lives dwindled until around 15 years ago she realized a more regular sex life might be a good thing. I have what may be slight ED..but offered to stimulate and play at sex often..there are some really fun marital When someone Denys you something so fundamentally important, it is Not Cheating to He has no interest. Were currently stuck at #3, but I have a feeling #1 is gaining ground and will ultimately prevail. Doing some bootie grabbing or not being a standing up participant?!? Im 47 and this happened to me. 2 children later sex was still fun. For men the cost is being far more productive than hed need to be if caring only for himself and to forsake all other partners in pairing with his wife exclusively. Have some fun with someone now and then would help .. any reply on if cheating what to look at to find someone Where???? I love my wife even if we have not had sex for close to 6 years. Because we always hear guys complaining! However, whenever one spousewithdraws from the other, there is always a risk of your marriage being almost over. Shes particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. I am beginning to think that we are supposed to get old. We have tried many times and many ways to lose weight, but his belly doesnt change much and hes passed his growing stage of life. I need to feel cherished, looked at and touched in a non-sexual way THEN when I feel loved and safe, I want to please my man. And its been going that way for years. lol. Loved sexI mean with exuberance and joy. She replied yes. Then she wakes and l turn my head to see her reach across pick up the phone and begin scrawling through and tapping away. 6. Sorry Mate. Here is what the problem is when it comes to SEX. Research, psychologists, and Google can offer ideas, but only your wife herself can tell you why she doesn't want to have sex with you: Working a full-time job in addition to running household errands and caring for kids can be exhausting and stressful, so some women may simply feel too busy and overworked to have any energy for sex. It has been years since my wife and I have had sex. She told me, a man should never get jealous of his wife f ing other men. I want to get divorced and he refuses to accept that our marriage just simply was never a Marriage. Introspect a little and see how invested you are in her pleasure. Would you be willing to see a therapist with me to learn how to talk about this? I was reading the original story and that exactly my life. Send Joan your questions by emailingsexpert@seniorplanet.org. Related Reading: How To Romantically Flirt With Your Spouse? You know what I dont need to know the answer. well, about a year ago she took it upon herself to say no more sex. It's a horrible feeling to want sex, but not want it with your partner. Dear, PS Bishislife, Not many people enter their senior years wit an active sex life, some do, but not many. Be explicit about your needs and expectations. I am retired on social security, having spent my entire returment funds on an expensive divorce and a protracted hospital stay and heart and brain surgeries. Sometimes I just want fuck all night long but the woman I love has no interest. Ive always wanted sex more than she has, though the first years were pretty satisfying for both of us. This break down could be for a number of reasons: Some are directly related to her man. I read the frustration and despair in your story and I thank you for being willing to share it here. I am happy all the time, my hair is twice as thick as it was before, I had urge incontinence, which completely disappeared, it cut my knee joint pain in half, and best of all, I love sex again. Hope now your problem will be solved. Engage in thought-provoking discussions, make new friends, and share resources all on a safe and ad-free platform. Hi Here is a video explaining mental illness that might help. She saw her doctor and prescribed a lube but it irritated her. She told me that women need estrogen their whole lives, not just up to menopause. When it gone, its gone. Quick and fast is also good. As someone who has now gone over 6 years without any contact more intimate than a hug I can tell you it is a relationship killer. I am so angry at him too!!! Why, in a relationship, is Sex so bloody important? Yes, totally wrong. My other half dosent get it and keeps going on and on about it. She had a hysterectomy years ago do to cancer concerns, about 5 years ago she had a stroke like episode but there where no signs of actual stroke damage and she had started botox/steroid therapy in her spinal column for pain issues so there is suspicion that caused it, but because of a possible stroke they wont give estrogen. Bull. Sounds like case of no money no honey. Sounds like you had a good long run and shouldnt be complaining. Bob, my wife is the same way, says she feels bad she has zero interest in sex, but doesnt offer anything like oral or HJ either. 69 years old and no sex together for over 20 years..I asked her if she ever gets horny anymore like when we were dating..she flatly stated no, and if thats a dealbreaker so be it. If your wife avoids intimacy constantly, paying attention to the emotional bond you share with her may be a good starting point. Back issues and menopause have completely removed my interest in sex. Mayo clinic advises to avoid, because they are not FDA approved and because they didn;t go the pathway of long term human trials are to be avoided. Before the ink was dry on the marriage license, shed already decided she was done being nice. I feel like Ive been through hell. Masturbation in the case of a marriage where one party is no longer interested in having sex and actively resists any overtures along those lines would seem to be the logical course of action. It is an axiom of mate selection in nature that males display and females choose. Why do men who want more sex end up insulting someone who has a pet? All rights reserved. He does not have ED or any similar issue, wont see a therapist or talk about this, and he becomes angry and defensive if I bring up sex or hug him or show any affection. This put stress on things as did a lack of acceptance from my mother, to my Wife, until she died at 97. Its not always the woman who has no interest. Its a shame when a marriage reaches this point because so much of both people were invested in it at the beginning and for quite a while. When I was single I would simply break off a relationship when the sexual problems would start. She put in over $300K on our $1M house and I told her we may need to sell it when my youngest graduates high school. Take time to learn about the secrets of sex all women wish men knew, learn your way around her body and plan a special evening together. A study published by the. Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are not as willing to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. Very sad!!! Recently, he has been distant unloving and disrespectful towards me. What to do about it: Using lube can help immensely with vaginal dryness and pain, and including more clitoral stimulation and sex toys can help make sure sexual experiences continue to be pleasurable for your wife. Ask your wife what she likes and what would be sexy and pleasurable for her. Be patient with her as she works on herself, and the two of you refocus on your marriage. About 5 years ago (we've been married 29) she started not wanting me to touch her breasts as much and over time stopped letting me touch them altogether. He masterbates quite often and I have come home to find him watching porn on the couch and masterbating. I have the sex drive I had when I was 20, and I feel like me again. No doubt youre frustrated. I just dont get it. He is either not attracted to you, depressed, or preoccupied. There is hope on the horizon. If she isnt satisfied in bed, it could be that shes tired of initiating intimacy only to be left wanting. He got the pill from the dr, but with his weight and age, I was just too scared for him to try it. Hello David, Im 65 and just want a happy, peaceful existence and I cope with EVERYTHING 100% , except sex. Now ASAP get a life please. But you cant fix a problem if you dont know the cause. Some doctors will prescribe testosterone and advise DHEA supplementation. Even if it is difficult, do everything you can to put yourself in her shoes. Im just sad and trying to figure things out. What is the point of being married if there is no intimacy? Mostly sexless for ten years and when I talk to her she just says, Im not attracted to you anymore, so get a girlfriend. I know couples who watch it together and I believe my wife and her friend are closed minded and in denial of their contribution, or lack thereof in being that person who can meet the wants and needs of their husbands. My Wife Loves Me But Doesn't Want Sex: Why & What To Do - YourTango Maybe have her read what you have posted here so she can see your pain all laid out with no interruptions like conversations can have when 2 people are both upset and talk at the same time. The reasons behind why a wife avoids physical contact can range from marital discord to just being burned out, says Gopa. Ive no where to go. His experiences have taught him that being an honest friend who communicates well and giving importance to self-love can go a long way in maintaining loving relationships. Feeling loved and getting affection, including sex is important to me. Yes, life is complicated indeed, but I dont believe there is a season for sex and then not a season for it. Im just not happy & want much more for in life. That communication will be open and honest, and circumstances in lifegood or bad, should never break this mutual promise. My doctor keeps a close eye on me too. Those hormones can cause cancer. I tried internet sex and while interesting it is not enough. That has been HER normal. When she was in the mood, my wife really enjoyed sex and had great orgasms, but that mood hit less and less frequently. Although she initially helped with my toddlers, she eventually lost interest and helped only occasionally. ITS HIS POUTING and defeatist attitude! I cant believe I will be in this misery for the remainder of my life and I am only 55. If your wife is struggling with any mental health issues, she may be less interested in sex at the moment. In my case our problems are ever deeper in that ours is a Love /Hate relationship. Senior Planet subscribers also get The Weekly Orbit, our newsletter with features about personal finance, health and fitness, technology tips, an online book club and more! Susan I think many men would find your comments upsetting. NOw he works well and Im proud of him for that. And pressure is a total libido killer that can set off a cycle of sexual avoidance, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, M.A. I feel I am supportive, helpful, etc but know Im not perfect. Im basically living a lie until the time is right for us to part ways. And Im okay with that. At first when we were dating this were fine. messages where she was being flirtatious to a local musician . That was pretty much the end of a normal sex life, He had a horrific childhood, beatings, a suicidal mother (she cut her wrists in front of her children), infidelity on both sides. I knew I had to do something. Do I disgust her? Sex is supposed to be for the mutual benefit of both partners, not one person using the other. The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. Agree, I have accepted the fact Im now in a sexless marriage, ugh! Someone on the side. Around year 3 it was 1x week and that lasted another 5 when it became about 1x a week. Regards Glenn. Are you crazy? Wife does not want me to touch her and immediately goes back to Susan, I have one word for you intimacy and all the other women that do not understand the difference between intimacy and sex. But I have stayed true to her for our entire marriage . It doesnt necessarily make it better but it makes sense. I have no idea what to do. I know we are very different people and and I am not trying to change her as much as letting her know the effects of being so distant and often dismissing my feelings yet I have to be totally responsive to her to keep her happy. 1. If it was the husband doing that wives would be screaming How dare You. The problem with respecting a partner who doesnt want sex any longer, is that the other person who does want sex needs to be respected too. Tell her how much I love her. Where is my man who would COOK, and have me for dessert?CLEAN! Take care. Hi Mary You have (understandable) guilt and shame about sex, undoubtedly influenced by your current predicament and the old trauma of feeling rejected during your first long-term partnership. Been there, done that. After reading this feed, thanks for sharing stories but I know where dirty old man comes from, darn wives holding out! We tried and tried to get them to call us but their mother has convinced them that I am to blame for our sons death. As your wife pushes you away, you might feel tempted to use porn, but porn robs you of genuine desire for your wife. You can clearly see that she is overworked and avoids intimacy. Tried Testosterone replacement but it made me very sick and ended up in the emergency room with complications . She is against the idea of therapy. The night my son died was when my loss of interest began, in fact it vanished, period. Our finances have never been merged and the only money between us has been my initial investment in her business. A person wants to, and intends to, stay faithful to their spouse in a sexless marriage and be a good Catholic at the same time is faced with, what seems to me, a no win situation. Its such an insult to your wife when you guys do that and .makes us ashamed of our bodies especially after having your baby we will never get our bodies back the same way it was before we got pregnant and you watching porn with photoshops were women to look at if they really look like that makes us feel you are body shaming us. At least your wife gives you a hand job AND wants you to Cum on her tits! But they can FORCE their partners to NOT have sex and No one seems to want to talk about that. When we DO have intimacy, it usually comprises me masturbating until she finishes me with her mouth (which she still likes to do) and her using one of those power vibrators that sound like a jackhammer to get herself off. Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. So Im frustrated as hell, but I love her and wont cheat on her no matter what. Be gentle and calm when you bring it up. As for me, never. Never did I roll over and fall asleep, and always tried to give her an orgasm until I had one. Well, you might offer to find one for them, then bud out. But I still love her and will be heartbroken when that day comes. My functioning would be fine when engaging in sex with a woman for the first time, paid sex, and one night stands. Every study I have ever seen says its over twice as likely for the woman to be the one withholding. Perhaps, some counseling might even help. It was even suggested I try penile injections at bedtime so I can at least get hard for her pleasure. Just do it to make her feel good. Ive got wonder if she really was just needing something to be mad at me for. At 20 years I did start having a partner on the side because I was very sexually frustrated and that partner within the same situation. We feel just as frustrated that our actions are not recognized by our women. Couples counseling can help the two of you get back on track in your marriage and the bedroom. If your wife doesnt feel confident about her physical appearance, she may have inadvertently shut down your sex life. Kelly Gonsalves is a multi-certified sex educator and relationship coach helping people figure out how to create dating and sex lives that actually feel good more open, more optimistic, and more pleasurable. So selfish and controlling . At 73, my 69 year old wife fits the descriptions you have provided to a T. Just replace you, the wife, with me, the husband. At 78 and after 47 years of marriage I kind of resigned myself to a sexless marriage.My rabbi was married over 55 years and said he had 4 good years sohe was not complaining.He also said over 90 percent of members of the congregation were miserable in their marriages.I guess he and I. Hello Dave, I hope that she too will woo me, always, as well. Ive communicated my feelings to him many times. I havent yet but I am going to find sex outside my home. Genuinely compliment your wife and make her feel sexy again. Men are not mind readers. (d.head || d.body).appendChild(s); At 45 years old I met this man For the months it was possible, I felt like a real man again, and much stronger at home and work. For a woman, as she ages, she needs time to get into that sexual mindset and anticipation is a great aphrodisiac. Yes, we are accused of such, and rightly so quite often; but, no, we are sentient, thinking human beings. First, do not deny your needs any more than you would deny yourself your favorite food, movie, book or music. Over time, expressions of love change form and that unbridled passion can begin to dull down. A little flirting, some sex, and shed start pushing for a ring. He has type 1 diabetes and is impotent so I can understand the no sex, but no hugs or cuddles or anything? I do not want to out her to the family as they all adore her. However, if the unfortunate situation arises where your wife never initiates physical contact because shes having an affair, you need to deal with it gently. I hear you bro. Who sacrifices? She would use the excuse of my children may interrupt, although I would point out we have a lock on the door. Is the meds freak Im a woman that actually wants it my newlywed husband has no interest but I can tell he feels bad but hes ex military so hes to prideful to get pills Im 41 i been told a lot that Im beautiful .. ok not going there but I know Im a catch but even making him food in a nighty doesnt work he says wow babe thanks am like . I want to figure out myself and fix my own issues so I can be a great mom and wife but I feel like is a waste of time to try to fix my marriage because its broken down and Im emotionally drained and I just want to focus on my kids. Im to the point where Id be happy with an occasional peck on the cheek. My wife and I have been a couple for 51 years (since 1971). The two C words! 16 years being married. I watch the couples in my family and I saw the future. Thank God I love to ski. Cheers Rl. Counseling is usually the way out but unfortunately most people in a relationship dont want to go that route (or at least one of them doesnt). You have grown as a human being . I cant believe a respected Sex Therapist has Keep Masturbating as an answer. If his wife refuses to explore solutions he will need to tell her the following. He seems to think (as far as I can surmise) that sex is just a little bit dirty or should only be used for procreation purposes. She has to try, and she should want to try for your sake if not hers. But, as we have read many time here, that it is OK for the woman/wife to force her husband into a sexless marriage. I feel for you for my wife always have said I will make you feel good but then dont try to do anything .. Im in the same situation with my overweight, lazy, 48 year old wife. The precursor for any affair is emotional intimacy, says Gopa. So, I guess Ill just embrace the suck. Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. However this does not mean that sex should just cease and its quite difficult for one party in a marriage or long term relationship to just do without something like this because the other party has lost interest (or is depressed), or whatever. Semi handsome for an old guy. Her duty? This is so depressing!! Hopefully I will die and be out of this misery. Theres always a lot going on in the Senior Planet universe. The experts have very little to offer. But each night i rub her feet and tickle her thighs..she just lays there ..and I go out and sleep in a recliner. She has owned her own retail furniture store for 10 years and has expressed her desire to sell and get a job until retirement. For senior sex news, tips, event and webinar announcements, and special offers,join Joans mailing list. When this happens I can not go back to sleep so my sleep is totally disrupted to the point of causing me to be unable to go about my day normally. We are happy for the days she has some energy and good enough oxygen levels. I offered my husband a quick and easy as possible divorce. We all deserve to be held, to be touched, to be told and shown we are desired and needed for far more than cleaning a house, fixing a meal or providing a paycheck. 4 Things to Teach Your Kids to Stand Up For, 5 Things Teens Need But Wont Ever Ask For, 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood, 20 Great Conversation Starters for Great Marriages. People need to be kept warmed up all the time before things can get hot again, they need to feel wanted, appreciated and valued before they actually want sex and are in the mood for sex. That partner depriving you of that intimacy does not give a damn what you do just as long as you do not bother them about it or it interferes with their favorite TV show! Knowing I will never be wanted again in that way by her or any woman corrodes my spirit a little more each day.