Did it work? The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. Anecdotes 1. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". 28. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. Baltimore, said Dad. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. Im 81 years old, he answered. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. This happened several times times throughout the flight. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, What do hungry Marines eat? Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? But yours is.. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! Anecdotes 2. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? If it doesnt move, pick it up. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. (pointing at the sky). Funny Aviation Jokes - BEST FUNNY JOKES On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? ", 55. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Looking for military boot camp jokes? 30+ Best Military Jokes And Puns | Kidadl 12. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. Its not weak, he replied. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. The Lasting Supper What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? All you have to do is remove the dirt.. Nothing, she said. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? Now he likes peanuts.. If you cant pick it up, paint it. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. DeFrigNo! Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. 64. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation - Pinterest I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. military aviation humour - Pilotfriend I was the tallest guy in line. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. The Blonde Fighter Pilot ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . Yes, said the lieutenant. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. I dont see it.. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. A Recruiter Misled You. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! 3. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. Ocean Pearl, I answered. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. Here's an SR-71 Story That'll Make You Laugh - Popular Mechanics Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. Why? I asked. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. I will take the both of you for a ride. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. So I quit ordering it.. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? Ocean Pearl, I answered. Only one. Me: Hello? 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2023 Edition) - Marine Approved and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. Pilots 5. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. Aeronautical Humor. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? An airplane! A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! From the Squawk Sheets - F-16 We were a tough group. Aviation jokes | Key Aero What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. 50. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. ! The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. If pilots screw up, they die. Good judgment comes from experience. 1. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. I say again, stand down and divert your course. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. Full Disclosure Here. On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? He then made his way to my side. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. Military Jokes Military Humor - Strategypage.com Rodrigues? Later, I spoke with Mom. Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. What would As A.J. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? 9. . The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. OHH OHOH! Do you want to hear about my plane?. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference Auld Lang Slice Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. A LOOtenant! Caller: Is Sgt. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. It took the poor guy all day. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes - PPRuNe Forums A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. He thought he would be home about 13:30. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. The tenant shook her head. Theres a post recall and he went to work. The two lads objected strongly. Read more. 41. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. USN: Helos When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. Its a NO FLY zone! Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Want more amazing military jokes? Takeoffs are optional. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! 11. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. Louis, I grumbled. 27. 17. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? You can see why: She also liked her scotch. Do you have change for a dollar? Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? "They're all mine. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. Co-Pilot: What?!. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. Me: Hello? Speed is life. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? I was very nervous, she said. There are many branches of the military. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! I set out a roach bombthey defused it. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. Where are you from? After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. [Answered]. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. What do hungry Marines eat? A PETTY officer! As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. They bagged six. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. Decodes 7. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. Chicago. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Military jokes - Pinterest USMC: OHH! He nodded. The Army will post guards around the building. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. Then one day I couldnt find it. ! Again, no reply. Ive been sandblasted.. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Fish Food. 66. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. But I am public affairs, I said. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. 54. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. 37. Unless you can be Batman. Aviation Humor - F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.